The only reason I would bother to read a novel about a group of 7th century Irish monks who sail to a remote island to start their own monastery is because Emma Donoghue wrote it. Haven is a well-written story, but it is one of the most infuriating novels I have ever read. I have never wanted to reach into a novel and bitch slap a character as badly as I did while reading this book.

Haven is about a scholarly priest named Artt who has a dream in which God tells him to take two other monks and leave the world behind by finding a remote place in which to establish their own monastery free of sin. The two monks that agree to go with Artt are Trian, an innocent young man who sees the beauty in nature, and Cormac, a kind, knowledgeable man who became a monk late in life after his family died of the plague.

The three monks load up only the most necessary of goods into their boat, and they sail away down the River Shannon and out onto the ocean in search of an uninhabited island. They land upon the island that is known today as Skellig Michael (the island that Luke Skywalker retired to in The Force Awakens). It is a testament to Donoghue’s skill as a writer that their trip and landing at Skellig Michael is told so vividly that it gave me the heebie jeebies (yes, the ocean gives me the heebie jeebies).

Now, I completely understand the desire to leave the world behind and find a haven from other people. With everything that has been going on in the world since the Cheeto in Chief got elected president back in 2016 and the COVID-19 pandemic, I have a strong fear that I will one day end up an agoraphobe. But the thing is, if you are going to insulate yourself from the world, you have got to be careful who you do it with. Just look at what happened during the COVID lockdowns with victims of abuse being stuck at home with their abusers, or people being stuck with their conspiracy theorist, anti-vaxxer relatives. Even before the monks left on their journey, I could tell Artt was a red flag. Once on Skellig Michael, the true nature of his religious hypocrisy comes out. He takes pride in being Trian and Cormac’s spiritual leader and looks down on them. He will not let them leave the island to stock up provisions when they run low on food and supplies to make fire. Instead, he keeps saying “God will provide” and makes poor Trian murder about a billion of the birds that live on the island just to burn their carcasses for fuel (it was difficult to stomach reading about Trian killing birds and his soul being destroyed in the process). While Trian and Cormac use their skills and work hard to keep all three of them fed and sheltered, effin’ Artt is just wandering around the island praying and not contributing much, unless copying religious texts counts (it doesn’t).

If I sound salty, it is because Artt makes me salty. The worst of religious people are obsessed with the idea that God wants us to suffer, and they ignore that Jesus Christ taught us that God is love.

Haven is a good novel and absolutely engrossing; I just did not enjoy reading it. If I ever decide to leave the world behind, I am not bringing any people with me, just my cats.